12 A.M. Thoughts

"You used to be the one, the one who'd always fill up my heart, even when you're not trying. Countless times I've let you into my heart, but you played with it like a toy. When you looked into it, and found out all the scars, cracks and bullet holes, you left. Guess nobody loves something that is broken right? 

I thought you'd still talk to me at midnight, but you didn't. I used to always look into your eyes, because in your eyes I saw the light I was looking for. Now, when I look into you I saw nothing, just a pair of dull, black holes. Have you lost interest in me? You'd thought that leaving me would let me heal, but the truth is, you're the bandage that suits best on my wounds, and you have absolutely no clue. What have I done to lose you suddenly? I showed you my flaws, every single one of it, that was all I did. But, you ran away, thinking that it's the only solution, thinking that in this way I'd have a good life. You shut me off completely, and every night I've been trying to sleep peacefully, but the tears wouldn't stop rushing out. 

What would life be like if I hadn't met you at the first place? Would I never feel the pain I feel now? Would I wish that I'll find someone like you? Could I ever find someone elsewho possess a rare and pure heart, just like yours?"

God Is Good

Two days ago, I attended a youth monthly gathering in my church, it was also the last gathering of the year. The event was wonderful; I enjoyed the food, and had a great worship. But, the message on that day, given by a young man named Josh, was so inspiring, and it was the strong highlight of the gathering.

The church was starting on a prayer series. Josh opened his message with how young people are able to sense the presence of God better than the rest can. In the bible, we've seen that God has used young people, like David, whom God saw and said that he was "the man after My own heart." Then, Josh talked about the prayer rooms that operate around 20 hours per day, and why prayer room even exists. According to what David said in Psalms, that's because God is good. You can have prayer rooms operating up to 20 hours a day and after such long time, you can still barely describe the vast greatness of God.

In our teenage years, we often live by two main things: what our friends have to say, and what our authorities have to say. We think that the things our friends normally say about us matter the most, like the way we dress, the way we should act, and so forth. Josh went through the same thing in his life before, but God told him, "If you don't live with the praises of men, you will not die when they rebuke you."

As young Christians, we sometimes are afraid of how people would think of us when we preach the Gospel. But, in Romans 1:16, it said: "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to any one who believes." This refers back to what Josh has said about the goodness of the Lord, he added that "you'll always be ashamed of the Gospel if you don't know who God really is, and how great and wonderful he is."

When Josh was going through tough times, he spoke to God about how broken he was, and how he couldn't understand why God would still want and love such a broken person. But, God spoke to him through Psalms 51:17, and it said: "... a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise." God also mentioned to him, that a broken vessel would leak, and it would let out more light. Through our brokenness and our weaknesses, is where God makes us strong.

The secret of growing up, is that you will make mistakes. The only way to deal with the mistakes and the fear in your life is to seek the Lord, pray, and read the Word. Josh told us that it was okay to read the Bible and not understand it. He gave us an example, like how we didn't remember what we ate two weeks ago, but it did us good and helped us survive. Same applies to the Word of God; we read it, and even if we don't understand, it still does something good in us, somehow.

So, three things to keep in our minds: God is good, pray and read the Word. It's a reminder for us to keep seeking the Lord, acknowledge His greatness and the things He has done for us, which cannot ever compare to the worldly things we seek in our lives. 

Father, maybe now we can begin to comprehend the great love you have for us, and continue to walk with you and seek you in prayer, for you are good.

(p.s. credits to Josh for giving such a wonderful message)