Perspectives

This fine morning, I woke up a little earlier and went hiking with my friends, and to be honest with you, it was pretty hard for me to get up when my mind kept telling me that it was a public holiday.

So, after climbing the hill (which was filled with mosquitoes, and I got bitten at almost every single part of my body, and it was really itchy and till now, I'm actually trying my best to write without having the urge to violently scratch at those marks) that we found next to a newly-built apartment, I came down, only to see something which caught my eye and made me stop in the middle of the track.

It was a millipede, a rather large one, crawling its way to God knows where.

Curious, I used my walking stick and nudged it a bit. The millipede flinched, and moved into another direction as fast as possible. I wanted to take a closer look of its numerous legs, so again, I tried to push it to the slope with my walking stick so it would rest there and I could see the millipede better. But, the millipede frantically flinched and kept wriggling itself so it doesn't let me get a grip of it. I was frustrated, so with a little more force, I pushed it up again. This time, I noticed that the millipede doesn't have such quick reflexes like it did before, and as it turned itself around, I saw the cut that I made with the walking stick on its body from pushing it too hard, hitting it at the edge of the stone. The millipede turned around again, and slowly, it struggled to crawl towards its destination.

When I continued my way down the hill, my mind was flooded with pictures of the millipede. My mind kept telling me, "the millipede is hurt because of you.", and part of me was so guilty, even though there were probably hundreds and thousands of others (probably millions) in the world and it didn't matter. As I was driving home, I started relating this situation in a different way. I noticed that somehow, I might have experienced things like this in life.

I think sometimes this is what I do to people, I want them to be like what I expect them to be. I want them to talk to me, so why aren't they talking to me? I want them to feel my pain and comfort me, so why aren't they doing it? I would keep provoking them to achieve and go smoothly as what I have planned in my head. What happens then? I eventually hurt them without knowing it. I hurt myself too, because I feel incredibly guilty after that. This is probably unconscious suicide or something, but I think I'm starting to understand things in this way better than I did before. 

Maybe my expectations on people are sometimes to the certain extent that I would do anything just to make it happen, even if it's already dying. Maybe I need to stop making up so many future plans in my life that I might not even know whether it's going to happen or not, because I'm not supposed to be the one who's playing as God. God is God, and I am supposed to just follow His orders and prepare for what He has for me.

What a time to be alive, to be able to find out the bad side of your seemingly good characteristics, and try to change them.

9 Things I've Learned in 2015

After reflecting on my life last year, I've decided to share a couple more things that I've planned to change in myself for the better in 2016.

1. Don't Settle.

You still have so much time in life, and in the future most of your time will be filled up by work. If you want work to be interesting and fun every day, if you want to work without having to think 'oh it's Monday, I have to get to work again. Same old usual routine.', then now you should start finding what you love to do. Work is not necessarily a routine, it can be something you enjoy doing and won't get tired of, even if it means doing it 24/7. Get out of your comfort zone, and start looking for your passion, don't settle until you found it.

2. Eventually.

"But what if I can't find what I love to do?" you may ask. This point is best for you. Eventually, eventually everything will fall into place. Until then, you should embrace the fact that life is filled with surprises, whether you like it or not, and you are to welcome them. Don't expect things to go as you've planned.

3. Don't Overthink.

Insecurities, fear of rejection, and so forth. Those are the things that's going to hold you back. Those are the things hindering you from doing your best and becoming who you are. Ask yourself a question, what if those things that you're thinking are the opposite of what's exactly happening? Wouldn't it change your thought of a seeing a good person as a bad one? So stop overthinking, clear your mind and live life without unnecessary worries.

4. It's Okay.

It's okay to fail and be bad at things. It's okay to cry yourself to sleep every now and then. It's okay to end up never speaking to someone who meant the world to you again. It's entirely O.K.A.Y. It's completely normal, and all you have to do is cope and survive, and know that the good things are just ahead of you.

5. Change Your Perspectives.

Get into other people's shoes and try to understand them. Try seeing things in other people's perception, you'll begin to see and learn how different people have different ways of handling situations. From there, you can pick up a few lessons and improve on seeing things in a bigger picture.

6. Be Grateful.

Appreciate every little thing you have in life. Whether it's from the little flower in the garden, or the sunrises and the sunsets, to your family and relationships, it doesn't matter. Feel thankful for their existence. Thank them once in a while for everything that they do. If they've impacted you in one way or another, let them know, and thank them for it as well.

7. Travel More.

Don't just travel for the sake of telling people the list of places you've been to. Go for a legit adventure, I don't care whether it means exploring in or out of your country, if it's something that's worth exploring, go for it. Meet new people from different parts of the world. Get to know them. Acknowledge the different languages they speak and their cultural backgrounds. Take many pictures, or film people's passion and see the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they love.

8. Writing is a Form of Art.

Take your time to think about life experiences, and observe people every day. Write your feelings down, or write to people who matter to you. Write notes to your younger self. Make music if you're bad with words. Draw if you're bad with music and words. Be as creative as possible.

9. Love Yourself.

Everyone needs to have self-love, not just by the means of being narcissistic and such, but in loving yourself for who you are. Don't wait for people to come into your life and make you happy. Make yourself happy because you deserve it. Admire your flaws, count your freckles, sing off key even though you know you're tone deaf, because at times, flaws can in fact be beautiful somehow. What's the point of becoming someone you're not?

- written by Carmen Summers -