le coucher du soleil.

SUNSETS.

I stumbled upon a phrase from the book 'The Little Prince' earlier which caught my very own eyes. It said:

"And a little later you added: 

'you know, when a person is very, very sad, they like sunsets.' "

Recently, my life has been such a mess, but it was worth it after all, because it has shaped me to become something more. The moon and city lights, which I initially thought was beautiful and good, swallowed me whole and ran away with my secrets in the dark, not intending to give them back. I tried looking for the sunrise to help me, but it blinded me for quite a while, enough for me to lose my way. 

Now, I've came to the sunset and dwell in it. I hold on to it, not because I'm very, very sad, but because this moment gives me hope, and it makes me even stronger every day. As the sun goes down, I'll always be able to tell myself that I've made it through the day, and I can make it one more.

It's funny how it takes running away to rediscover your soul. I lost both things, but in the process, I found myself. I managed to hold on to the little things around me and climb on.

"How beautifully blind are we to ignore the smallest things around us, for it's the smallest parts around us that gives us the power to do the most brilliant of things."

Je suis fatigué d'évasion, Je vais me battre en arrière maintenant

(I'm tired of escaping, I will fight back now.)

My Testimony

Through these years of journey with God, I’ve learned one important thing: God is always there. He always was, and always will be. I believe that everyone has their own problems, whether they’re 25 or 60. We are all in the midst of accepting the reality of this world, which isn’t just as we thought when we were kids, when we were free to do anything we want and people would still say it’s okay because we are still immature.

I, myself have honestly dealt with quite a lot of issues when I’m going through my teenage years, and at one point I felt thought my life was going to fall apart. I cried occasionally while praying to God at night, because I’d always pictured Jesus sitting next to my bed, accompanying me with a pair of saddening eyes, but He would say nothing. Eventually, my relationship with God started drifting apart because I thought that He wouldn’t give me an answer no matter how eager and how much I prayed.

One day, I stumbled upon this message written by Elisabeth Elliot from the book ‘Through Gates of Splendor’, which is a true story about how five missionaries gave their lives in the jungles of Ecuador, preaching the Gospel. The message said, “It is not the level of our spirituality we can depend on. It is God and nothing less than God, for the work of God’s and the call is God’s and everything is summoned by Him and to His purposes, the whole scene, the whole mess, the whole package – our bravery and our cowardice, our love and our selfishness, our strengths and our weaknesses.”

As I ponder on this particular message, I thought, maybe all this time God has been trying to tell me that He’s in control of my life, but I was just too busy thinking of the outcome I wanted. It has been God, and it will always be God who can be the only one to set up our lives this way. We would always ask God the reason we are suffering so much, but the truth is that, He is making us stronger for what’s to come in the future. God always have a reason to all of this, and He doesn’t plan for us to suffer in vain because He is in control, like how Jesus knew that Lazarus was sick but He didn’t heal him, because He wanted to bring others to Christ through resurrecting Lazarus from his death.

We are not always sure where the horizon is. The One who laid earth’s foundations and settled its dimensions knows where the lines are drawn. God gives all the light we need for trust and for obedience, and it’s best to follow his pathway because it’s the only road which leads to greater and greater blessings. What’s best? It’s leading all of us to eternity.